Samantha Leigh
by Morbid-Midnight-Screams
Summary: Sams mother abandandoned her. She was her mirror imige. Her father was so strict he seemed like a dictator. Her boyfriend was perfect but had doubts if she like him. Her family if full os secrets, secrets she is not sure if she wants to remeber.
1. Beginnings

Samantha was different from every other girl she ever knew. Her mom abandoned Samantha and her dad when Sam was only 3 months old. All her life Sam grew up with her dad and her dad's "guy" friends.

Sam never had the chance to associate with girls her own age. She always felt like an outsider. When she was 13, when all the girl were boy crazy and always using make-up, Samantha was playing soccer. Her dad had thought how to do sports since she was four.

Sam wore her hair in a low ponytail. She had wavy, dark brown hair; her eyes were light brown an almond shaped. She was tall a little to tall for her age. She was only 13 and she was 5'7. She had grown hips and breast too soon she thought.

She did not like to play with the girls because they were always playing with dolls, something Samantha never liked. She would prefer to play with the boys; they always played soccer, baseball, or basketball.

In the sports field she was always the only girl, in the classroom that would sit in the corner just paying attention to what the lesson of the day was. She almost never talked to anyone.

She only had one friend, Jackson, he is only a year older then her. He is one of the most popular boys in school. Everyone knows that he has a crush on Sam he asked her out once but she was not interested in him. Actually, she was never interested in any boy.

As Samantha grew in to a young 15 year old, she was considered the "tomboy" of the school. She never minded it, she really did not care. She was just herself. She always told herself "I rather be a tomboy then a Barbie Doll with a brain made out of lip gloss".

Sam was in one of the bathroom stalls getting changed for gym. She knew that Jackson was out side waiting for her so she tried to hurry up. As she was taking her shirt of and pulling down her gym one on, she heard a two or so girls walk in. She did not pay attention until they said her name…

"Hey, you know that Sam girl, she is such a total dyke. Have you not noticed how Jackson, the hottest guy in school, follows her like a puppy dog and she doesn't even like him," said one of the girls. All the rest just started to giggle in agreement

Samantha felt a huge pressure on her chest as if someone was sitting on her. They could not be saying that, not about her. What had she done to be called such a terrible thing? They had no right that was her problem if she was or if she was not homosexual.

"I know she has never even had a boyfriend… she probably doesn't even want one, she wants a girlfriend," the other girl said chuckling. They all burst out laughing.

_They are probably right, I am a freak, I have never even had a crush on a guy before. I always felt different from girls. They are right I am a lesbian. I am a freak. I have always known it in the bottom of my soul I knew I was different I just could not admit it._ She thought.

She tried her best to keep the tears from coming. A single tear went down her cheek. She whipped it of without emotion. She quickly finished getting changed and left the bathroom. The girls were not there. They were lucky.

She walked out the door and saw Jackson kneeling down. She had a blank stare on, as if she was in deep, deep thought. She just kept walking toward the other side of the gym. Jackson ran after her.

He grabbed her by the shoulder and spun she around lightly. She stared at him but she was to preoccupied in her thoughts to even notice what he did.

"Are you okay? You look out of it today," he said, she just put her head down.

She noticed that they were right in the middle of the gym. Sam took her head up and stared at his face. He had a confused look in his face. She could not blame him. Without even noticing, she was putting both of her arms behind his neck, went up on her tiptoes, and kissed him. It was a light top kiss, but it was something.

She parted her lips from his. He stared at her with amassment in his eyes. He went down and kissed her again, only this time longer. Everyone was staring at them with surprise in their face. Whispers were going everywhere.

" _Who knew that they were going to end up together?"_

_" Is she even straight"_

_" I guess so."_

For that moment she backed away.

" Ummm…you want to go for… for pizza today," Jackson asked very nervously. She just nodded and walked towards the bathroom. She went in a stall and sat on the lid of the toilet.

_I cant do that to Jackson. I cant make him think I like him. I don't want to hurt him, but it's the only way I can stop people from calling me gay. The problem is I am not sure myself if I am or not. I did not even feel anything, when the other girls talked about kissing they said it was something amazing. _

She left the bathroom and started to do her normal class. As soon as she finished gym, she hurried into the bathroom to change. She took of her gym clothe and put on her solid black wife beater, jeans, and shoes. She got out and rushed to her next class not wanting to see Jackson on the way out.

"Have any of you seen Sam?" asked Jackson to a groups of kids. They all choked their heads.

He walked away. He needed to talk to her he wasn't sure if what had happened in the gym was real, she had been rejecting him ever since they were in 7th grade and all of the sudden this huge change of heart.

He walked threw some classrooms but she was not there. While he was rushing threw a hall he heard sobbing that sounded like Sam's. He heard that it was coming from the boys' bathroom. _What would she be doing in there, _he thought, _it is the boy's bathroom._

He walked over to the bathroom door, he tried to push it but it was locked. He pushed it as hard as he could, but it wouldn't budge.

" Sam, is that you in there?" he asked threw the door.

" Yeah, Jackson help me, please, get me out of here," she answered knowing who he was, the only person that cared about her.

" Wait a second, I'll be back with some help. Someone locked the door. Sam, can you hear me?" he said when she didn't answer. He waited for a response, he started pounding at the door and yelling for Sam to answer him.

He started to run to get the janitor to open the door. He heard a sudden opening to the boy's bathroom door. He turned around as quickly as he could and rushed back and saw Samantha. Her face was pale and her cheeks stained with tears. She stood there without any emotions showing on her face. She slowly drew closer to Jackson. She threw her arms around his neck and hung there. He slowly patted her head as it rested on his chest.

He waited a little for her to calm down. She let go of him, with her head bowed and with him staring at her they walked slowly behind the school. There were a few rocks there that the student usually used to sit and chat. There was a small soccer ball that some of the older guys left there. It was sitting still upon the grass swaying softly to the winds rhythm.

Samantha gently set on the flattest rock that everyone always fought for. She took a deep breath in and held it for a while and then let it go. Jackson leaned on the school wall and waited for her to speak.

As soon as he noticed that she wasn't going to he said, " Are you going to tell me what happened?"

She stood up slowly and drew her feet to where the ball was. She began to roll it around and aiming at the wall near Jackson. Her throws were really violent. Almost hitting him a couple times. He dodged a few out of reflects and a another few because they went really near him.

He could tell by the look on her face that she was taking all her anger and stress out on the ball and the wall. He got of the wall seeing that it was dangerous for him to be there.

"Take it easy. You are going to pop the soccer ball", he said as he walked next to her taking the ball away from her. "So are you gonna tell me what happened or not?" he asked staring down as he fondled with the ball.

She stared up at him and shrugged her shoulders. There were small tears at the edge of her eyes, threatening to roll down her cheeks. Sam relentlessly whipped them of before they rolled not wanting Jackson to see them. For Sam it was showing weakness to let someone see her cry.

She threw herself to the grass where the dirt was soft from the rain of a few days before. Sam picked up a small flat rock and started to dig at it with much ferocity and anger. Jackson looked up at the sky not seeing what she was doing.

"Can I come over to your house after soccer practice", she said while she dropped the stone and laid on her back, "if it's okay with you."

He nodded silently at her and went over to hug her tightly. She felt a small chill go up her spine. All her life she grew up with men… then so why was she so uncomfortable now? Her body stiffen up as she felt his hand on her hip.

He could feel how tense her body was. Jackson slowly drew his hand away from her and place it on his lap. He stared at Sam for a couple of seconds and looked down.

She slowly got up avoiding his face not wanting to make eye contact. He started to speak but the words died in his throat. He struggled with himself to let her go or to follow her. He decided she need to be alone at the time…

Samantha slowly reached the gym and entered the lockers that was connected to the bathrooms. She strolled inside the stalls, locking it and kicking it making sure it wouldn't open. She gently pulled up her sleeve and reveled her pale skin. Her skin was marked with small scars, not really visible.

In every stall there was a small mirror. She took her leg and smashed it into 4 big sharp pieces. She looked at it almost hypnotized wondering what to do. She pulled the biggest piece and fondled it with her fingers. As she brought her finger down the sharp edge she saw a small droop of blood tickle down her finger and unto her palm.

She pushed down the glass as hard as she could on her upper arm and pulled it down making a deep cut. It bleed one single tear that fell down to her wrist. She grabbed paper towels and wiped the blood of her arm. It left a stain on her skin.

As soon as she saw that it stopped bleeding she pulled her sleeve down dropped the glass and left. Sam checked her watch: 3:17. The bell was going to ring in about three minutes. She walked over to where the bus were parked waiting for all the students to start going in.

She still had soccer practice. Where the biggest sluts of the school would go, sit on the bleachers, and watch the soccer players . The girls would sit on the bleachers and gossip and throw some teases at the guys. Samantha would be the only girl _actually _there to play and not flirt.

Jackson was also in the soccer team. He was the top player with Sam next to him. As soon as all the guys and _girl_ were ready they started. Just a few minutes of warming up and some guys were already taking their shirts of so the girls could see them. Some of the girls started to whistle and the guys smiled in return

"Guys! Concentrate! In a few weeks the state finals are coming! You cant be distracted by small things like….girls," said Mr. Oleander, the coach of the soccer team, making a great point.

As soon as Sam saw that the guy next to her has taken his shirt of , revealing nice shaped body, she stiffened. This was the thing she hated most about soccer, the guys getting half naked (or at least that's what Sam thought).

"Okay, now 50 jumping jacks", ordered Mr. Oleander

Some of the boys growled from not wanting to do it. They all started. While jumping she stared back to see who was behind her: who more then Jackson. She tried to not meet his eyes and acted as if she hadn't seen him.

"Hey, dyke, get out of my view. Your blocking Jackson," said Maryanne Stevens, the leader of the cheerleading squad.

Samanta gasped silently and stared at Maryanne. Everyone stopped doing the exercises and just stared. As for the other girls the roared in laughter. Mr. Oleander was not near them so he could not see what was happening.

Sam walked over to where the girls where sitting. She stood in front of them and said, "How sad of you to be so jealous that me and Jackson are _actually_ going out. Or do you just feel bad about yourself, on the count of no guy ever takes you seriously, that you are just one of the many toys they get bored of and throw away like garbage. Do you feel so low about yourself that you have to have a guy fucking you to make you feel higher or better? How do you sleep at night without wanting to kill yourself? That's my question."

She could have gone on and on. Everyone around them gasped waiting for Maryanne's comeback. But, she just sat there with a blank stare. Her eyes were glossy from tears that wouldn't fall.

As soon as Samantha saw that Maryanne was not going to say anything she turned to walk back to where she was. Then, all the guys started clapping and shoving Sam towards Jackson until they where right in front of each other.

She was blushing a little, she just said that Jackson and her were going out. What would she say to him?

They looked at each other silently until Mr. Oleander cam next to them and said, " Okay love birds, back to the game."

During the rest of practice they didn't talk to. The glanced at each other once in a while, their eyes also met a couple of times but Sam quickly stared away.

A soon as practice was over Sam went over to the class room, she left her backpack there. She had a lot to walk, most of the time she walked with Jackson since he live a house away from hers. Today, like many others, she felt like she had to clear her mind, she had to think about her…cutting herself.

It was a hot day of summer. Sam's body felt hot and sticky from soccer practice. The day was humid and moist. On her way to her house, Samantha took a left turn even though her house went straight up the dirt path.

The direction she was going led to a large pond. She walked for a few seconds and arrived. Everything was fenced around trying to keep everything out and everything in. There was a small gate that she went threw. There was no one there it all look so deserted and lonely.

In the air you could smell the depression, the melancholy. Almost as if the air was a mirror image of her self, her feelings. The day was growing darker by the minute. Slowly she went in the pond. Every step she took the water cover her body more. Soon the water was up to her chin. She swam around, not caring if someone saw her.

Samantha held her breath and went under.

Quickly she pulled herself out of the water and spun around. She stared at one of the benches. There sitting was Jackson, his legs and arms crossed, his back on the bench . His face had an amused smile upon it.

"How long have you been…there," she asked squeezing the water off of her hair.

He chuckled softly and said, "Only a few minutes."

She swam over to the edge of the water. She came out of the water and stood in front of him. She was dripping with water. Her hair was down, (she lost her ponytail in the water) it made a bunch of curls came from everywhere in her hair.

"What are you doing here? How did you find me?"

"Well since you were supposed to go to my house," he said. Her eyes widen, she had forgotten. "so I ran after you when practice finished. I walked behind you for a few seconds waiting for you to turn back When you didn't, I called your name a few times but you didn't answer, guess you were to deep in your thoughts."

"Sorry, I had some stuff in my head so…"

"So, I fallowed you here."

Sam chuckled lightly and sat next to him. She felt awkward with that silence. Everything cold be heard. The birds, the water moving, even the worms crawling.

The night grew windy and cold. Sam sat thee cold and shivering form the freezing air. Her wet hair was still drying, the hair that touched her back made her shake.

"Here, have my jacket," Jackson said as soon as he saw how cold she was, "we should get going before you get sick."

She nodded and stood from her bench. Jackson stood up soon after and they walked together on the path of darkness. They walked gently and slowly, not wanting that road to end. Both feeling that that was the place where they should be.

He wanted to walk hand in hand with her, but wasn't sure if it was appropriate for the time. She stared over at her. She walked with her head down, staring at her feet. She clothes she was wearing clung to her, dew to the wetness, like a second skin. Revealing the shape of her body. Even threw the jacket Jackson could see her waves and curves.

He blushed lightly as his eyes drew to her breast. Breast that Sam always considered a curse, saying that they "are to big for me". He looked away embarrassed. Never thinking that he would give her that kind of way. Respect was something he knew and he cherished towards a girl. A woman was a pearl to him.


	2. Tainted Past

-1They soon reached Samantha's house. To him the walk was to short, even if they didn't talk much, but the company was enough to satisfy him.

A soon as they when up the three stairs that led to the front door. They stood there awhile, just waiting for something to happen. He wanted to kiss her.

Yet Samantha wasn't sure if it was such a bad idea. She could _make_ herself like him. That way she wouldn't be breaking his heart.

If he wasn't going to give the first move then she was. She didn't care both male and female have the same right to make the first move. She started to lean on to him. She was amused by the way his eyes widen.

His soft lips pressed against the corner of her mouth. They stayed like that for awhile, until he moved slightly so both their lips met together perfectly.

To her this was all new, but to Jackson it was something he hadn't experienced that much. He was always loyal to the love he had for Samantha that he never went out with another girl. He was always devoted in trying to win over Sam that he practically forgot that he had a life.

Slowly they both retreated from the kiss. Samantha _did _feel something this time. Something that she had never felt before. Her stomach felt like it had bat in it, flapping away. He lips still tingled from his touch.

She looked over at him. He had a face of happiness and accomplishment. Like someone how has been trying to do something for years and finally did it.

And she knew why he had that face.

Because he had accomplished something he tried to do for many years.

He leaned close to her ear. His lips touched her ear. It made her whole body tingle. He parted his lips and whispered, "Thank you for finally letting me reach a part of you that I thought I would never reach."

She could help but smile at the feelings she was experiencing. Feelings she _thought _a guy could never deliver.

She put her arms around his neck.

_Where is all this confidence coming from? _

"Well now you see that nothing is impossible. That you can reach 'that par of me."

They stared at each others eyes for awhile, trying to see what each other were thinking.

"It is getting late I have to go before my dad gets worried. Ill see you tomorrow at school," she said and she got on her tiptoes and gave him a small, quick kiss on the cheek.

Before he could say anything she was already going inside her house.

Samantha went in her house as quietly as she could.

As she was going up the stairs she heard her name being called from the second floor. When she turned she saw her father coming out of the bathroom adjacent to his room.

She barely saw his face from the dim light. The only light that was shining on them was the one from her dad's room. All she could see was his silhouette.

"Hello, Father," Sam said in a loud whisper.

"Hello, darling," he said in a small voice, a voice that was always with him when he felt depressed for whatever reason he had.

"Are you okay, Father?" she asked in a worried voice.

He gave her a small nod and said, "I saw you kissing, Jackson. Is he your boyfriend or something?" he said in a voice that packed no emotion, a voice that sent chills down Samantha's back.

"Oh, Father. Is this what this is about? Don't worry, Father, I really like Jackson."

"Promise me something, Sam."

"Whatever you want, Father"

"Promise me that you will never leave me," her eyes widened with the thought that he would think that she would leave him, " like your mother did. When I see you now, I can see your mother and it scares me that one day you might think _like _her."

This brought tears to her eyes. She quickly threw her arms around him and whispered, "Father never think that I would do the same thing that my _mother_," she said that word as if it were venom out of her mouth, "did. _I_ love you."

He took himself from her grip and said, "What did I tell you about acting like this? I don't want you to act like a…like a girl! I want you to be independent and think with out having a men besides you!" almost backing her to the wall with every word.

She stood silently there as she felt his burning eyes on her. She was always frightened when her dad had outbursts like those.

A piece collected from the journal of Samantha Leigh White:

_Father, got mad at me again for showing affection. As if it were bad to have emotions. I think he does it because he wants to harden me towards emotions so I wont be hurt like he was._

_Sometimes I look at him staring at other woman as if he hated them, as if he hated them for just being a woman. I think that's what my mom made him. _

_Sometimes I even see different look when he stares at me. Sometimes he looks at me with so much love as if he loves it that I look like my mother, but other times he looks at me with hate. Hating the fact that I look like her. I wish would just love me or HATE me, at least, for being me. For who I am on the inside. _

_I try my best to not care about the way he looks at me. It has been almost 16 years since my mother left. In my opinion If I were him I would leave the past behind and get another person for me to love. _

_But how could he forget my mother, when I am their all along? Even if I don't act like her, I have seen pictures of her, she is identical to me. The only difference is that she is more girl-like and a few years older._

_Father, scares me sometimes. Just the way he…stares…at me? Once I could have swore I saw lust in his eyes. This was when he was helping me with my homework, just as fast as his appearance came it went, as if remembering who I was._

_The fact that he wants me to become emotionless, I think is the reason I was never attracted to Jackson, but now I actually feel something for him. Or have I made it up in my own head? I really am not sure! ; sigh_

_I still have this feeling in my stomach, as if…he were still kissing me. _

**Summer Came.**

As no one would ever think, Samantha and Jackson couldn't be with out each other. As the grew older, they saw that they were just right for each other. _Thinking _that nothing, or no one, could separate them.

Including Samantha, she did think she would fall in such a deep love with Jackson. For Jackson it wasn't that hard because he already knew he was in love with her.

When Samantha turned sixteen, they both wanted to do something special. It was a hot summer day.

"How about we go to one of the pools. My mom told me of this great private pool near here," Jackson said with enthusiasm in his voice.

Sam stared at the ground and fondled her upper arm with her fingers, feeling deep scars and raw cuts. Maybe she could wear shorts and a T-shirt in the pool instead of a bathing suit.

"Yeah, sure. It sounds like fun! You're the best, Jackson. You are seventeen already and in a few week you're going to be eighteen.

Chuckling he said, "Yeah I'm pretty old already, don't you think?," planting a small kiss on her lips.

"Well, I'll go get ready. At what time are you picking me up?"

"Like in an hour," he said stroking her cheek with his index finger, "Is that okay with you?"

"Yeah, you know I get ready quickly," Samantha said as she turned to leave.

She got up from the love seat she was sitting on and gave Jackson a gentle kiss on the cheek

She walked away from the kitchen and went to the main entry without looking back. Samantha stepped out of the doorway and jogged to her house.

She ran up the steps into her room. Going threw her cabinets she found a pair of black and navy blue surfer shorts and a solid navy blue T-shirt. She laid them neatly on her bed and went back to the cabinets.

She took out a red and black, two piece bathing-suit. Always the self-conscious one. Thinking of how she didn't like her body. The surfer shorts and T-shirt were not going to come of all day. Two reasons why:

_1. Very conservative person. Doesn't like to show skin. And doesn't like her body_

_2. Cuts all over her arms. Scars al over her thighs and arms._

Yeah that's enough of a reason for her not to wear a two piece bathing-suite alone.

She undressed and looked at herself in her full body mirror. A flat stomach, big bosom, well shaped legs, curvy hips was what anyone how would have seen her would have said. But she saw something different. Something she didn't like. Something she didn't want.

Samantha closed her eyes. She saw herself on a bed, naked. Laying defenseless against anything. Fear made her motionless. Her arms were tied together to the poles on the bed. She felt a pair of hands rough fondling her body. She didn't want this she screamed and tried to move. Her eyes shut closed, not wanting to see what he was doing to her. She opened her eyes to see who it was at least. His face was covered with shadows. He was stronger then she was. Soon he entered her with a hard shove that made her scream in pain and agony.

She opened her eyes quickly. Her heart was pumping hard and she was gasping for air as if she just came from running. She looked around her room as if forgetting where she was at.

That memory lingered in her head. Her own rape. She dreamed it and lived it. Her memory wouldn't allow her to see who the man that raped her was. His face always covered someway.

As fast as she could she put on the bathing suit, above the she put on the surfer shorts and the T-shirt. Packing as fast as she could she put in a small bag, a towel, sunscreen, etc.

She looked at herself in the mirror. Her face was flushed and sweaty. She threw cold water on her face and dried it with a cloth. She put on a pair of black socks and black DC shoes.

Samantha ran over to her T.V. stand where she had her cell phone. Garbed it and put it in her front pocket.

Walking out of her room she ran down the hall into her Father's room where he laid fast a sleep. He laid on his back. He had a handsome face that looked to young for him. He had a strong masculine body.

She didn't feel like waking him up so left a quick note telling him where she went. Slowly she stepped out of the room and closed the door as gently as she could. She walked back to her room and laid on he bed waiting for Jackson to come for her.

Who would have thought that in about two months Jackson and Samantha would have been going steady for almost a year. Some people thought that Jackson was only dating her as a favor so everyone wouldn't think she was a lesbian. Seriously, sometimes Jackson had doubts, but he just put it out of his head.

"Tick, tock, tick, tock," the clock went on and on until it was time for him to go over to get Samantha.

When Jackson reached the house he was greeted by Samantha's dad.

"Hello, Mr. White. Is Samantha ready?" he asked as he stepped threw the door frame.

"How many times have I told you to call me Richard? Ill go check if Samantha is ready."

Richard got up and went to get her.

Samantha came charging down the stairs with out Richard behind her. "Good-bye, ummm, Richard! Will be home soon," Jackson shouted to the stair just incase he was there.

No response.

They left the house and got into a new pick-up truck given to him on his eighteenth birthday (a few months before Samantha's). Jackson loved his car for he didn't have to be dependant on his mom taking him on _her _car when he needed a ride. Even though he got his license when he was sixteen but he could only use it when his mother wasn't using it (not very often) or when his mom wanted some errand.

As they drove silent broke through them. Both of them were stuck in their own thoughts not really minding the deep silence. Samantha couldn't stop thinking that maybe she should have stayed with Richard and spent her birthday together. Now it was to late.

Richard had screamed at her when she told him she was going to go out. For some reason, unknown to Samantha, Richard didn't like Jackson. He liked him when Samantha and him were only friends but now that they were boyfriend and girlfriend he had grown a costume to talk to Samantha bad about Jackson.

Usually Samantha just ignored it but there were sometime that she got really frustrated. So frustrated that she would lock herself in the bathroom, put the music all the way up so Richard wouldn't hear her screaming.

She would take out a small, black leather case with the crimson words "_Dead Inside" _written across it, something she picked up randomly from a pile. Inside the case was her collection: a box cutter, a Gillett, alcohol, a white rag that was washed repeatedly but still had some maroon stains, and a box of band aids.

Whatever happened afterwards was always left unsaid. The only evidence of what happened after that bathroom door closed was that case but that was well hidden. The place where Samantha knew Richard didn't go, not even to clean. In her mother's room under a loose floorboard.

As Samantha noticed the rain coming down she snapped out of her thoughts. She looked around as if she didn't know where she was at.

"Are you okay?" Jackson asked staring at her quickly and staring back at the road.

"Ummm…yeah I'm fine. Hey! Its raining!"

"Yeah, but its pretty light so maybe by the time we get to the pool it might stop raining." Samantha looked up at the sky as he said this. The sky was pitch black with so many rain clouds. She highly doubted that it would sop raining, it would probably rain harder. It was so dark out it look like it was around seven o'clock when it was only four in the afternoon.

Silently she nodded. She stared over at Jackson. He looked so concentrated on his driving. The way his face was fixed made him look older, more mature. His ebony dark hair was combed back messily, he must have just put some gel on his hands and ran them threw it. He stared over at her for a second and focused back to the road. His eyes lingered in her head. Such beautiful eyes, same shade of light brown she had.


End file.
